Out with crap!. In with love.

Love is the way

Love is the way to achieve outcomes good for others and yourself. It’s not all you need but when you lead with love what happens next will always be better.

In relationships

In parenting, intimate relationships, with friends or work colleagues, actually with whom ever we interact with when we come from a foundation of love our whole energy, perspective and response-ability will be more expansive and lead to outcomes that are good for all concerned.

In parenting

With children, we know that when parents love their children unconditionally, even when they make mistakes, learning can occur. Loving our children, even though they may push our buttons, helps us to stay reflective about what’s going on and then be able to think creatively about what could be worth doing right then to help our. children and ourselves

Get rid of the crap!

Should you have any negative feelings preventing you from feeling love to another, it’s so important to process it out of yourself as soon as possible.

Here’s a way to help shift you back to a better or state:

Break the loop

If you have a particular person that you hold negative feelings towards, until you shift those you will be caught in a destructive loop of thinking, feeling and behaving that’s only going to get you more of the same or make things worse over time.

A simple strategy to shift these negative emotions (which are not healthy for you to hold on to) is to complete this sentence:

When I think of ________________________ (insert that name of the person that you hold negative feelings towards) I feel ______________________, _____________________ and _____________________________  (insert 3 feeling words eg. angry, annoyed, frustrated, fearful disappointed, anxious).

Read that sentence to yourself a few times so you can really feel those words in your body. When you can feel them in your body, you are ready to shift them. It’s healing waiting to happen. This is the beginning of releasing negative energy caused by those negative feelings out of your body. Keep reading that sentence til you feel the intensity in your body has dropped. You’re now ready to throw that piece of paper away and with it your need to hang on to those unhelpful feelings.

Forgive yourself

Now it’s time for a really important step and that is to forgive yourself for hanging on to those feelings (even if they were warranted at some stage). Say to yourself:

I forgive myself for hanging on to those feelings. For some reason, they served a purpose to keep me safe at the time, but they’re not helping me or the other person any longer because negative feelings carry negative energy. I accept responsibility for my own feelings. No one can make me feel anything. Only I can choose to let them go. Even though I can’t change the other person, I can change my own thoughts and feelings. I choose to begin to let go of those feelings and thoughts that are not serving me well any longer.   

Shift gears towards love and …

Then we are ready to ‘change gears’ to something much more helpful. Even if you don’t quite believe it yet, say it anyway. It’s like priming your brain for something its probably not used to thinking when it comes to that person and that’s just a bad habit that needs a little coaxing to shift gears. Now say to yourself at least three times:

I choose to change my feelings to love and _____________ and __________________ (insert 2 other positive emotions eg. kindness, compassion, happiness)

Love is the way. Love is the way. Love is the way.

Forgive the other

Now it’s time to forgive the other person, even though it might be really hard or feel you’re not quite ready to. I’m not saying to accept bad behaviour or forget what’s happened. It’s more about accepting that we are all doing our best with our current awareness. For whatever reason you come to feel this way about that person, when you forgive them as well as yourself, you’ll be shifting to a more positive health giving energy for yourself and them if they are able to receive, even when you’re not physically close to them.  Say this:

I forgive _________________(insert the person’s name) and myself. We are both perfectly imperfect humans. It is okay to make mistakes. All I am doing right now is forgiving ____________________. For whatever reason we find ourselves in this situation, I choose to forgive myself and __________. Even though this is challenging for me, I’m saying it anyway. I forgive __________________.

You are 100% responsible for your own thoughts and feelings

How someone else thinks and feels is their responsibility so it’s wise to imagine a boundary around yourself that is filled with love and compassion. Should they do something that ‘charges you’ imagine this boundary acting like a shield between you and them. It can help you to stay in a loving state even when something untoward is being directed at you. If a situation gets heated, remove yourself to keep safe and from saying what you might live to regret.

Breathe.  Calm down.  Breathe.  Calm down. Repeat

Anger hurts. Love calms.

Only when you feel calm in your body can you begin to process what’s happening with any sense of rationality and flexibility. The bathroom is a good safe place to excuse yourself to. Once you feel calm, find love in your heart and breathe it in and out of your body a few times.

Love is the way

It’s only when love leads the way that we can learn from the past and prepare to do something different in the hope of initiating a healthier way of being with yourself and the other person. If you can’t help the situation and it’s a relationship you value, it just may be time to get some professional assistance.